Brevity is the soul of wit… 1

While checking out Graeme Sandford’s blog, he made me realise that I had done nothing to mark Shakespeare’s 400th anniversary. (Graeme even has a poetry book coming out about it – check it out! https://graemesandford.com/2016/05/14/bardly-writ-the-book/ ) So, to make amends for this oversight, here are some Shakespearean lines that have survived 400-plus years, mangled here for cheap laughs and entertainment. It’s what the Bard himself would have wanted…

#1
Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
In fact, just stay out of my stuff.

#2
What a piece of work is a man!
Well, most of them.

#3
There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Said no one who ever stood in dog mess

#4
Friends, Romans, country men – lend me your ears.
Mine aren’t working too well. Age…

#5
Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.
Management 101

#6
Who steals my purse steals trash.
It just has a bunch of receipts and an old credit card in it. Plus that contraceptive from 1997…

#7 – the obligatory zombie reference...
Zombie Shakespeare said to thee,
Life for me is “not to be”

Almost certainly more to follow!

 

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Would Shakespeare approve?

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70 thoughts on “Brevity is the soul of wit… 1

  1. Reblogged this on Graeme Sandford and commented:
    Al the Lane hath a lightness of touch, methinks. Along with his use of an unerring word when an unerring word is needed, he is the best.
    More than this I cannot say
    Except to wish him hail fellow, well met, good day! G:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Of course I’d go for a sappy sonnet, well done sir! Which makes me wonder…can one write a funny sonnet? I don’t suppose the Shakespeare police would hunt me down…and just how long are contraceptives good for anyway? Never thought I’d be contemplating that.
    Bring on Part Two! 👏 🙂 👏

    Liked by 1 person

      • I am glad these conversations I have in my head are effective for you. And I didn’t even have to dare you! I’ll join you – give me a topic. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

              • You know I have actual work to do today, right? I’ve been sitting outside, letting the girls play in the dirt in the garden while coming up with ridiculous plots. All your fault. 🙂

                Liked by 1 person

                  • You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine. I think they may be more than a tad ridiculous….and the work is still waiting. At least dinner is happily roasting away. 🙂

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Roast dinner after mud pies? Now I am jealous!
                      I’ve only got a second line so far – “That seems premature, but halfway through May”… I tend to write most poems on my phone at night… getting slightly distracted by Billy Elliott at the moment 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Hope the chicken was as delicious as it was in my mind (skin smeared in garlic and herbs)… Finished my homework. Off to bed now. Sonnet came off a little bitter, rather than funny… need to tweak with fresh eyes on the morrow!

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You are such a delight. The chicken was as well, many full tummies happy now. I guess I’ll have to post my rubbish, and you can scold me tomorrow Goodnight Al! Sweet dreams. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You seriously make me crack up, and/or shake my head severely at least once a day. Al Lane, International Man of Wit & Mystery.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in a petri dish, with a huge microscope looming into view above me… with some strange, heavenly voice complaining about the crick in her neck as she leans her eyes to the ‘scope…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I thought my imagination was wild! That’s pretty awesome, and slightly creepy. I like it. No, just the utmost amount of respect, and perhaps one step below the *most* decent level of a Poet’s crush (because I am still devious after all)…if that makes any sense at all. Coffee….:)

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • The scary thing is, everything you say makes sense… except for coffee.

                      I’m going to come out and say it… I hate coffee. I hate its smell. I hate the word itself (two “f’s” and two “e’s”? Come on!). I hate coffee bores and their imported coffee beans smuggled through customs in a yak’s backside. I hate the price of coffee. I hate the proliferation of international chain coffee shops, hawking said overpriced coffee, and avoiding their taxes.

                      I hate coffee. It’s the invasive grey squirrel killing tea’s friendlier red squirrels.

                      I hate it.

                      (deep breath)

                      Wow, I’ve been holding that in for a while. (Climbs back into petri dish-shaped box) Now, a return to our scheduled programming 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Smile grows bigger & bigger while reading you. Al, deep a deep breath. I’ll assume you’re already sitting down. I love tea too. Shhh…
                      There’s a fab Tea Shop in town (spiceandtea.com) where I get my supplies, to steep in my koi-covered cast iron teapot (gift from a friend). Current fave is the Emperor’s Chai. Though I’m a creature of habit. Morning coffee, afternoon tea. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Don’t I wish! I’d be right at home, once we fixed that perpetual Winter business of course. Some day I shall meet Aslan!

                      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Butchering Bards – The Unwanted Suitor | thecrumbsofmylife

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