Brevity is the soul of wit… 1

While checking out Graeme Sandford’s blog, he made me realise that I had done nothing to mark Shakespeare’s 400th anniversary. (Graeme even has a poetry book coming out about it – check it out! ) So, to make amends for this oversight, here are some Shakespearean lines that have survived 400-plus years, mangled here for cheap laughs and entertainment. It’s what the Bard himself would have wanted…

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.
In fact, just stay out of my stuff.

What a piece of work is a man!
Well, most of them.

There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Said no one who ever stood in dog mess

Friends, Romans, country men – lend me your ears.
Mine aren’t working too well. Age…

Look like the innocent flower, but be the serpent under it.
Management 101

Who steals my purse steals trash.
It just has a bunch of receipts and an old credit card in it. Plus that contraceptive from 1997…

#7 – the obligatory zombie reference...
Zombie Shakespeare said to thee,
Life for me is “not to be”

Almost certainly more to follow!



Would Shakespeare approve?

70 thoughts on “Brevity is the soul of wit… 1

  1. Reblogged this on Graeme Sandford and commented:
    Al the Lane hath a lightness of touch, methinks. Along with his use of an unerring word when an unerring word is needed, he is the best.
    More than this I cannot say
    Except to wish him hail fellow, well met, good day! G:)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Of course I’d go for a sappy sonnet, well done sir! Which makes me wonder…can one write a funny sonnet? I don’t suppose the Shakespeare police would hunt me down…and just how long are contraceptives good for anyway? Never thought I’d be contemplating that.
    Bring on Part Two! 👏 🙂 👏

    Liked by 1 person

      • I am glad these conversations I have in my head are effective for you. And I didn’t even have to dare you! I’ll join you – give me a topic. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

              • You know I have actual work to do today, right? I’ve been sitting outside, letting the girls play in the dirt in the garden while coming up with ridiculous plots. All your fault. 🙂

                Liked by 1 person

                  • You show me yours, and I’ll show you mine. I think they may be more than a tad ridiculous….and the work is still waiting. At least dinner is happily roasting away. 🙂

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • Roast dinner after mud pies? Now I am jealous!
                      I’ve only got a second line so far – “That seems premature, but halfway through May”… I tend to write most poems on my phone at night… getting slightly distracted by Billy Elliott at the moment 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Hope the chicken was as delicious as it was in my mind (skin smeared in garlic and herbs)… Finished my homework. Off to bed now. Sonnet came off a little bitter, rather than funny… need to tweak with fresh eyes on the morrow!

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You are such a delight. The chicken was as well, many full tummies happy now. I guess I’ll have to post my rubbish, and you can scold me tomorrow Goodnight Al! Sweet dreams. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • You seriously make me crack up, and/or shake my head severely at least once a day. Al Lane, International Man of Wit & Mystery.

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Why do I suddenly feel like I’m in a petri dish, with a huge microscope looming into view above me… with some strange, heavenly voice complaining about the crick in her neck as she leans her eyes to the ‘scope…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • I thought my imagination was wild! That’s pretty awesome, and slightly creepy. I like it. No, just the utmost amount of respect, and perhaps one step below the *most* decent level of a Poet’s crush (because I am still devious after all)…if that makes any sense at all. Coffee….:)

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • The scary thing is, everything you say makes sense… except for coffee.

                      I’m going to come out and say it… I hate coffee. I hate its smell. I hate the word itself (two “f’s” and two “e’s”? Come on!). I hate coffee bores and their imported coffee beans smuggled through customs in a yak’s backside. I hate the price of coffee. I hate the proliferation of international chain coffee shops, hawking said overpriced coffee, and avoiding their taxes.

                      I hate coffee. It’s the invasive grey squirrel killing tea’s friendlier red squirrels.

                      I hate it.

                      (deep breath)

                      Wow, I’ve been holding that in for a while. (Climbs back into petri dish-shaped box) Now, a return to our scheduled programming 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Smile grows bigger & bigger while reading you. Al, deep a deep breath. I’ll assume you’re already sitting down. I love tea too. Shhh…
                      There’s a fab Tea Shop in town ( where I get my supplies, to steep in my koi-covered cast iron teapot (gift from a friend). Current fave is the Emperor’s Chai. Though I’m a creature of habit. Morning coffee, afternoon tea. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • Don’t I wish! I’d be right at home, once we fixed that perpetual Winter business of course. Some day I shall meet Aslan!

                      Liked by 1 person

  3. Pingback: Butchering Bards – The Unwanted Suitor | thecrumbsofmylife

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