The Monster of the Swamp

Happy New Year everyone! I say “happy”, but it’s January…
…it’s cold
…it’s wet
…it’s dark most of the time
…we’ve all put on weight over Christmas and are feeling it
…not to mention feeling super-broke…

Time to #banishtheblues !

Don’t torture yourself with resolutions. You’re not going to keep them anyway!

So join me this month with anything light, or funny, or happy, or joyous… anything to #banishtheblues !

To get this started, this bit of fun was written as part of an (unsuccessful) application to join the funeverse, a children’s poetry collective. Inspired by Kate Pankhurst’s wonderful picture

The Monster of the Swamp
Was preparing for her date
She’d spent hours in the mud-bath
And now was running late!

She combed her thick hair gently
So as not to wake her nits
Shaking off the clumps of mud
Which fell away in bits

She put on her monster make-up,
Made from bugs and flies,
Crushing up a beetle
As mascara for her eyes

She picked her favourite perfume
It had a pungent scent.
No matter where she wandered,
You knew just where she went

A heady mix of armpits,
Mixed with cheesy feet
It smelt of rotten swamp slime
And twelve-day rancid meat

To finalise her outfit
She picked a pretty bow
Tied it neatly to her fur
Now it’s time to go!


Picture credit: (this isn’t the one that inspired this piece, but it’s in similar vein 🙂 )




55 thoughts on “The Monster of the Swamp

  1. And I stepped out in fine style after adding the finishing flourishes! Never knew I could look so good, did ya, huh? So, as the joke goes… Which monster won the monster beauty contest? NONE of them. Ah, yes, you have opened the spigot and I runneth all over your blog… 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. HaHAHA! Oh, I love this Al.
    Happy New Year to you too. I can’t believe the Funverse have missed out on your talents, fools!
    I shall try and think something up to join you in banishing the blues, what a great idea 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I loved your poem Al. It made me smile. Reminded me of the Gruffalo, in some way. The monster part I guess 😉

    I wish I was able to banish the blues this month, but as is, I’m barely able to keep it at bay most days.
    I’ll make sure to read your posts though, to help getting rid of it!

    Happy New Year Al. I hope it brings you all the great things you wish for. Health and Love first and foremost. Wealth is not a bad thing either. And Fame… because you deserve it!

    Oh, well… Happiness would be nice too I suppose. Ha! The list keeps getting longer 😉
    Lots of love sent your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Pingback: Inching my way forward #banishtheblues - Edwina's Episodes

      • I will send you their illustrations of the poem if you like. I am not going to give them the illustration you included, but am going to have them read the words and draw what they read. The class does not start right away.

        Liked by 1 person

          • I’ve gotten myself in a pickle here. I was thinking of sending you their illustrations by snail mail since my computer skills are very poor. (I am self-taught and new to the computer world.)
            Please contact me at (removed) if you are still interested. We will not have computers available to the students–yet. This is our first time to run the kid’s course and it is for “strugglers” in 4th and 5th grades. I have been trying for 18 months to offer this course (free of charge) and was turned down by both the school system(ironically the one I taught for for 20 years before going on to teach at U of H) and the public library. It seems there are state and other “regulations” that tie the educators’ hands which have to do with “confidentiality” (whatever that is) and the use of facilities. We finally got it up and running through a church facility. If you are not totally turned off by now, please contact me at the e-mail address above.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Blog Round-Up: January 2017 – Rachel Poli

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