Careers Advice for the Chosen One

In my head at least, this is a lost Monty Python sketch… you may prefer it had remained lost!

INT, DAY, CAREER GUIDANCE COUNSELLOR’S OFFICE. STUDENT LOITERING IN DOORWAY

COUNSELLOR:
Come in! Please! Come, take a seat. Tell me, what can I do for you?

STUDENT: (entering)
Well, it kinda says on the door… I was after some career guidance.

C:
Of course! Wonderful that young people are so proactive these days. What sort of career or careers have taken your interest?

S:
Only the one career.

C:
Very decisive of you. And that one is?

S:
Chosen one.

C:
Chosen one?

S:
Yes, that’s right, chosen one.

C:
(pauses) You are looking at a career as…the chosen one?

S:
It’s a calling. I’ve been called.

C:
(hesitant) You’ve been called… Have there been any signs? Any miracles? Any unexplained phenomena?

S:
An electronic gate. It opened automatically for me.

C:
Lots of gates do that.

S:
This one didn’t have a sensor. It just opened. For me.

C:
There could be lots of perfectly reasonable, rational explanations for that gate opening. Malfunction, for example. A short circuit. Some electrical disturbance.

S:
I find your lack of faith disturbing.

C:
Well, it really isn’t much to go on now, is it? Have there been any other incidents?

S:
I stopped a bus.

C:
You stopped a bus?

S:
Is there an echo in here? Yes. I stopped a bus. It was coming towards me in the road, and I put my hand out in front of it, onto the windscreen, and stopped it.

C:
Were you at a pedestrian crossing?

S:
Yes…

C:
Is it possible, in any way, that this bus was, perhaps, stopping anyway to allow pedestrians, such as yourself, to cross the aforementioned road?

S:
(snorts) It’s possible.

C:
Ok… anything else? Two pieces of evidence you see, if such they are, is hardly conclusive. Even sainthood needs three miracles these days.

S:
No, just the two.

C:
Well, as your careers guidance counsellor (gestures to the sign on the door), let me counsel you then to go out into the world, do good deeds, a bit of helping the meek, making sure you recycle, save the planet… generally live a good life. You could start by volunteering at a charity shop?

S:
A charity shop! I come in here telling you that I’m the child of a supreme creator, and you want me to volunteer in some dingy charity shop? (getting increasingly irate) “Here, Jesus, come down off that mount and stop sermonising, Mrs Jones wants her Dan Brown boxset bagged up”… “Never mind that restituting the meek malarkey, how much are the Princess Diana tea plates?” For the last time, stop healing the blind and the lame, there’s a queue of irate pensioners at the till and they’re getting hangry!” (storms out)

C:
(to camera) That’s the problem with kids today. Want it all on a plate… Next!

 

Advertisements

32 thoughts on “Careers Advice for the Chosen One

    • Thanks D… sadly, the young people here were outvoted by the grumpy older so-and-so’s who thought Brexit was a good idea, but if there’s hope for any of us, it’s the young that carry it!

      Liked by 1 person

    • Cheers Roger… yes, this was good fun to write (after all, both “miracles” have genuinely happened to me… 🙂 )

      As for the rugby… very peculiar… I don’t understand how England have fallen so far, so quickly. Guess this shows the paucity of real depth in the back row, esp at 7 and 8. Vunipola is a big loss. No obvious 7 in the wings either, not up to the class of other nations (even Italy, with Polledri!). The summer tour of South Africa is really make or break for their World Cup chances…

      And Ireland? The way they played, and Leinster are dominating European rugby right now, is incredible. It’s just a shame for them that the World Cup isn’t next week!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I think England’s demise is for several reasons: a real, physical battle in the training camps that leaves them tired for the games (and produces injuries), combining with an arduous English League with very few easy games (Gloucester on a wet Wednesday is never easy, as many a Welsh club discovered when I was in school just down the road), combining with overload on the Lions Tour. Periodization: an Olympic athlete can peak four times a year at three month intervals, but holds that peak for only a week or ten days. Timing is so imortant, because performances and skills then start to drop. Add in two very tough away games. The Lions Tour also makes a lot of non-starters raise their game, especially against the ‘hated’ English. The Scottish fans and atmosphere were visceral in their ferocity. Makes it tough. I think with TLC (Tender Loving Care) the team will peak for the WC. More of the same and the challenge will be effectively over before it begins. So happy to be back.

        Liked by 1 person

        • There’s some truth there, for sure, but am still concerned… WC winning candidates close out those tight games against the French (did you see Sexton’s drop goal?)… England notably failed to do so, despite being in a better position. That summer tour of South Africa will reveal more!

          Liked by 1 person

          • I think some fresh legs are needed, in every sense of the word. Plus an out and out digger at #7. 2 x #6 doesn’t cut it for me. Also, brawn without brains is a no-no. Alas, like the EPL, there are a lot of foreigners in key positions, and the Irish, Scots, Welsh and overseas players are ALL foreigners in this context. Add in the lack of common ground in an effort to establish an English style and the result is a weakened WC team, Soccer and rugger (how I that that word). I don’t think the fat lady at tight-head, who ever she is, has started to sing just yet!

            Liked by 1 person

    • I went on to uni, and studied law… I remember after my finals, my tutor sending me a note that said “these are an acceptable set of results”… Guess I was on the OK spectrum then, too!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.