Q is for…

Welcome to Day Seventeen (already?) of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming, but that’s no excuse for turning into a quivering wreck about the whole affair.

So, here continues your quixotic guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… It’s … Haiku of the Dead!

 

Prepare for the worst
Set up a quarantine zone
Contain those bitten

Always keep count of
Quantities of your rations
And local zombies

Zombies’ hearing works.
Any noise will attract them:
Live a quiet life

Zombies are not quick
Either in thought or movement
So play to your strengths

When down by the lake,
Hunting, fishing, keep your wits:
Zombie ducks don’t quack!

 

Q

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

P is for… (2 of 2) aka Reasons to be Cheerful

Reasons to be Cheerful: One, Two, Zombie

No more light pollution,
Ruining the stars,
Global warming gone,
With all those fumes from cars.

No more stuck in traffic;
Or idiots at the wheel;
Finding a spot to park,
Or hours caged in steel.

(That idiot bloke next door
And his annoying son
Acted big and brave:
Got eaten on day one! )

No need to pay the bills
Or keep the taxman quiet.
No pension plan to stress on
Or post-Christmas/ summer diet

And think of all those groups,
That really ticked you off
Lawyers, footballers, estate agents,
All now zombie scoff

No so-called celebrities
And the focus on their looks;
Instead, try conversation
And learning things from books

That’s not to say life’s easy
With zombies all about
But there’s plenty to be thankful for
Of that I have no doubt!

 

 

A (1)

P is for… (1 of 2)

Welcome to Day Sixteen of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. But that’s no excuse for being a negative ninny about the whole thing. Today, for your reading pleasure, as well as some survival tips, you’ll also find a little poem on reasons to be positive about the end of the world… although you’ll have to wait for the next post for that 🙂

So, here continues your short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… It’s … Haiku of the Dead!

Haiku poetry
Provides you survival tips
And food for the soul

Panic on the streets.
Stay calm. Ice flows through your veins;
Clarity your mind

Find somewhere rural,
Avoid large populations
Safe in small numbers

Underestimate
Power of positive thoughts
At your own peril

Keep an eye out the next post… Reasons to be Cheerful: One, Two, Zombie…

 

P

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

O is for…

Welcome to Day Fifteen of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. If I’m lucky, it won’t happen until the end of this month, by which time you will all be primed to survive, and show your gratitude by making me the king of all the chocolate. No need for modesty in the end days.

So, anticipating this immense honour, you need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

Zombie origins
Unknown, all evidence gone.
No point chasing it.

Don’t get overwhelmed
By the scale of the problem
Focus day by day

Devil worshippers,
Apocalypse occultists
Worse than the zombies!

Jean-Paul Sartre wrote
That Hell is other people…
But you need them too

Oligarchies rise,
Led by oppressors, oddballs,
And small men with guns.

Stay optimistic
Good people are everywhere
Find them, and engage.

(Observational
Skills need to be finely tuned
And always switched on)

Opportunities
Will arise for poet-types
And story-tellers 🙂 

 

O

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

N is for…

Welcome to Day Fourteen of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. Well, you gotta be prepared, and you ain’t gonna have time to memorise a whole bunch of stuff when it happens.

You need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

Parents of new-borns
Have sleepless nights to deal with
PLUS finding nappies!
(Diapers to my American friends)

A sad truth for me:
Nerds won’t inherit the Earth,
Unless they act too.

Ninjas could do well,
Especially with a sword
And the nimblest feet.

All street lighting off
The nights darker than ever
Bathe in glow of stars

Nature finds a way,
Planet Earth takes a breather.
It needed the break

The new world order
Will rise from zombie ashes
A tender phoenix

No Netflix and chill,
Nights spent bingeing on boxsets.
Do we dare to… talk?

N

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

A to Z Challenge – Halfway!

So, we’ve reached the halfway mark of the A to Z Challenge, and already there have been a lot of tips and advice on my chosen theme of surviving the zombie apocalypse… Here’s a quick recap!

Apocalypse comes: a zombie flavour.
Achieve survival – life’s to savour!

Pack a bag, be ready to go,
Life is beautiful, don’t you know.

No more commuting, that’s all out,
No chance of a cure, I have no doubt.

Build up defences, walls and bricks,
Death isn’t life, but still plays tricks.

Beware the evil that men do;
Don’t slip on entrails ‘neath your shoe.

Fish for food and find some friends.
Don’t know first aid? Make amends.

Growing food; guns and more.
Playing golf… guts and gore.

Knowing when to hide, or seek.
The humour skills you need to tweak.

Imitation, insects, immortality.
Imagine no Internet! Insanity!

Joggers’ justice in the park
Jam and jelly after dark.

Killing zombies, armoured knights,
Kayak, knife and knitting fights.

Living, loving on the land,
Laugh at lawyers getting canned.

Making music, marry right,
Military lost the fight.

So much advice, so many more…
Who knows what other tips in store?

 

What’s been your favourite tip so far? Any topics that you’re dying to hear covered? Let me know in the comments!

 

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/01/a-is-for-apocalypse/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/02/b-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/04/c-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/05/d-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/06/e-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/07/f-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/08/g-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/09/h-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/11/i-is-for-part-1-of-2/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/11/i-is-for-imagine-pt-2-of-2/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/12/j-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/k-is-for/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/14/l-is-for-1-of-2/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/14/l-is-for-2-of-2/

https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2016/04/15/m-is-for/

 

A (1)

M is for…

Welcome to Day Thirteen (halfway!) of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. Well, you gotta be prepared, and you ain’t gonna have time to memorise a whole bunch of stuff when it happens.

I’m off to the Monkey Forest today with the family, but rest assured I’ll be making notes on defensible locations and possible repercussions of the monkeys revolting…

You need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

Medicines are scarce
Watch out for malaria
And ration supplies

Zombies don’t speak, so
Don’t bother learning Morse Code
Just dot-dot-dash it!

Money is useless.
Electronic records gone.
Use for lighting fires.

Making sweet music
As in, actual music,
An acoustic treat.

Making sweet music
As in, tender lovemaking,
A survivor’s treat!

Rise of the machines
Stymied by rise of undead.
Zombies beat robots!

Military fail.
Nukes, planes, and tanks all useless
Against the undead.

Till death us do part
Doesn’t mean what it used to…
So marry wisely!

 

 M1

 

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

L is for … (2 of 2)

Welcome to part 2 of Day Twelve of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. Well, you gotta be prepared, and you ain’t gonna have time to memorise a whole bunch of stuff when it happens.

You need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

 Stay mentally loose;
Think your way out of problems
Before they eat you.

Look before you leap
(In fact, why are you leaping?
There’s zombies out there!)

Check out libraries
And book shops. Learn useful skills
From survival guides

(And collect C-list
Celeb biography books
To burn in winter)

It’s not medicine,
But laughter’s good for morale.
E.g. Try this one:

Ha ha ha ha ha
The lawyers have been eaten!
Ha ha ha ha ha!

 

L

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

L is for… (1 of 2)

Welcome to Day Twelve of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. Well, you gotta be prepared, and you ain’t gonna have time to memorise a whole bunch of stuff when it happens.

You need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

L-O-L mix ups…
Laugh out loud or lots of love?
Well, text-speak’s now gone…

Forget the rat race:
Life is the name of the game
So play it to win.

Learn to live off land;
Grow some fruit and vegetables;
Catch fish from the lake

Lying is a skill.
Practice on your poker face
And hiding the truth

All you need is LOVE
A love of killing zombies
And staying a-live!
 

L

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

K is for…

Welcome to Day Eleven of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse.  We all know the end is coming. Well, you gotta be prepared, and you ain’t gonna have time to memorise a whole bunch of stuff when it happens.

You need a short guide to surviving the rise of the undead, covering you all the way from A to Z… You need … Haiku of the Dead!

 

Don’t lose sight of this:
Killing is a last resort
All life is precious

A large handled knife
Is the handiest weapon
Fighting close quarters 

It’s sharp, portable
It never needs re-loading
Or sourcing bullets

When seeking supplies
Raid the local museum
For some knight’s armour…

Life on waterways
Has its pull, esp for sleeping
Moor away from land

Turn the engine off.
Keep an eye out for floaters.
Keep kayak handy

Try learning knitting
It’s a practical skillset
With BIG old needles!

 

K

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1900. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html