Beware! Beware! Beware!
The haunting time of year!
When chocolate spiders hatch,
Spreading candy fear!
You may think that’s just a costume,
A Halloween disguise
But take a second look:
Count that creature’s eyes!
Don’t think of trick OR treat:
To them it’s all the same!
Weaving caramel webs Around your window frame…
Lurking in the darkness… Hiding out of sight…
Then dropping down in front of you
Giving you a FRIGHT!
You yelp and drop your candy;
Sprint off down the street
Those spiders give a cackle
And eat up every treat!
Beware! Beware! Beware!
The chocolate spider scare!
This was written for Susanna Leonard Hill’s Halloween challenge – write a 100 word Halloween story appropriate for children (title not included in the 100 words), using the words costume, dark, and haunt. Your story can be scary, funny or anything in between, poetry or prose, but it will only count for the contest if it includes those 3 words and is 100 words (you can go under, but not over!) Get it? Halloweensie – because it’s not very long and it’s for little people 🙂
or, inevitably, WHAT HAVE THE PYTHONS EVER DONE FOR US?
We are all products of our environment. Some wear their influences on their sleeves; others may not even be aware of tapping into their formative influences. I grew up in the 80s with Monty Python, a child of Python-loving parents who mercifully spared me the sketches that didn’t work (there are many), but instead exposed me to the films, the highlights reels, the comedy albums (on vinyl, no less), the Live at the Hollywood Bowl fan-fest. And here I am now trying to write rhyming picture books and other entertainments…
Here are ten lessons that rhymers (perhaps storytellers of any stripe) can take from the songs of Monty Python. Some of the links are NSFW…
1) CHALLENGE EXPECTATIONS
Have your main character do something unusual, that goes against type and challenges expectations. You’ve got a knight called Brave Sir Robin?
“When danger reared its ugly head
He bravely turned his tail and fled
…
Yes Brave Sir Robin turned about
And gallantly he chickened out…”
Or take a rugged, “manly” lumberjack, and then tell us that he likes to “put on women’s clothing, and hang around in bars.”
Or take the less-travelled perspective:
2) PLAY WITH WORDS
Have fun with the language, whether that’s homophones, (“sail the wide accountancy”)
lists,
or
or non-sequitors for comic effect “We dine well here in Camelot, we eat ham and jam and spam a-lot
…
I have to push the pram-a-lot!”
3) GET THE TONE RIGHT
The gentle, plinky start of “Finland” sets the tone perfectly for an homage to a country “where I quite want to be”…
4) ENJOY YOUR RHYMES
Repeating the same end rhyme throughout, and even using it as an internal rhyme, can be fun… “Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be”
5) DON’T TALK DOWN TO YOUR AUDIENCE
The Galaxy Song, and the Medical Love Song, are examples of introducing a range of language and ideas that go far beyond what might be expected of the “everyman”. If the narrative, and the rhyme, is strong enough, you can introduce unfamiliar names and ideas very quickly.
Don’t talk down to your audience. Raise them up.
“Just remember that you’re standing on a planet that’s evolving
And revolving at 900 miles an hour.
It’s orbiting at 19 miles a second, so it’s reckoned,
The sun that is the source of all our power”
(I love the punchline at the end of this song)
6) MAKE YOUR RHYMES UNEXPECTED, OR UNUSUAL
All I know about philosophers, I know from this:
“Heideggar, Heideggar was a boozy beggar…
John Stewart Mill, of his own free will
On half a pint of shanty was particularly ill.”
And what about one of the greatest thinkers in history?
“Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle”
7) REPETITION, repetition….
A good example of repetition, and letting your characters grow, is the theme song from Life of Brian, with “a boy/ teenager/ not a girl/ a man called Brian”
“… his voice dropped down low
And things started to grow…”
8) DIVERSITY IS IMPORTANT
Monty Python made an effort to address diversity, in their own particular fashion, with “I Like Chinese” and “Never Be Rude To An Arab”…
“I like Chinese, I like Chinese,
They only come up to your knees”
It’s vital to reflect the diversity of the world we live in, to keep your characters relevant, and grounded in the reality of the time.
9) BE PREPARED TO MAKE MISTAKES
Viewed through modern eyes, neither of these songs have aged well… but how do you future-proof your material from the differing standards that will inevitably follow? You can’t. Write what’s in your heart, rather than chasing the trends of the day (or anticipated trends of tomorrow). If you never make mistakes, it just means you’re never trying.
Which leads us to our final point.
10) KEEP TRYING
There is only one way to finish this list. A song that has a ridiculously catchy chorus, a perfect balance of repetition/ variation/ progression, fun rhymes, a playful, changing rhyme structure… it’s even got whistling.
So, when the rejection emails start to pile up around you, put the kettle on, grab a slice of cake, and listen to this: “Cheer up, Brian. You know what they say…”
Here in the UK, the school summer holidays are about to start. I’m taking most of this period off work to spend with my boys, so will be blogging less from now until September. My boys are 2 and 5 years old at the moment, and I’m really looking forward to doing a whole bunch of daft stuff with them while they are at such a fun age. (Any top tips on rainy day options, or things to do in the garden, gratefully received!)
So, the plan for the next few weeks looks like this, all around the loose theme of “summer”. I make no promises about posting every time – priorities!
Mon – Silliness, Stuff and Nonsense (I have some zombie/slug issues still to get out of my system… and don’t even ask about zombie slugs)
Wed – Haiku City
Thu – Throwback Thursday (a poem from the archives)
Fri – “Love”… yeah, I’m keeping this one vague to keep my options open!
A wee insight into my process – I literally have none of this written yet. As ever, I’ll fly by the seat of my pants, and use these prompts and “deadlines” as a spur to my creativity. Let’s hope it all works out… (I’ll still contribute to Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge too, although I may have to submit late with some.)
Hope you can join me, and hope you have a great summer (even if it’s winter where you are 🙂 ).
June has been another productive month. 28 posts published before this one, so these are some of the “highlights”, in the tradition of that filler episode of your favourite TV show when they have enough content for a 22 episode series, but sell 23 episodes to the broadcaster!
Haiku
There has been some haiku… quite a lot of it actually. I love Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge and have posted several attempts at these. For the prompt words “Bard” and “Water”, I even attempted bending some Shakespearean iambic pentameter into haiku form – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/haiku-challenge-water-bard-cntd-poems/
Coming Up
In July, look out for more haiku, more random poetry (the zombies and slugs will be back… probably!), and a blog post on rhyme and comedy. Hope you’ll join me.
Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to stop by and read my stuff, and double thanks to those who have “liked” and commented!
Picture by kind courtesy of NB Photography (you can find them and more amazing photos on Facebook, or at http://www.neilbarr.co.uk). Loch Katrine from Ben Venue.
This is the blog of a woman who is seriously on the edge and I mean right ON the edge…no, not there… just a little bit further… further than that…no, further still…just a tiny bit more… just move slightly to the right a little…no, that’s too much…just move a tad to the left…that’s right, just there…now you’ve moved too far to the left… Damn, what part of the ‘on the edge’ do you not understand? Oh, and her matricidal boy genius, come devil spawn.
A Certain Point of View 
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