Everybody Farts…

I “wrote” this for my three-year old… I thought some of you may enjoy it too. There is no pretence of high art here!

Everybody Farts (with apologies to R.E.M.)

When your meal is long
And dessert, the dessert is yours alone
When you’re sure you’ve had enough
Of this meal, well hold on

Don’t think of letting one go
‘Cause everybody lies
And everybody farts… sometimes

Sometimes you feel gassy and all wrong
Well it’s time to sing along
When your day is night alone (Hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting one go (Hold on)
If you think you’ve had too much
Of this meal, well hold on

Everybody farts
Take comfort in that fact
Everybody farts
Don’t throw it from your hand, oh no

Don’t throw it from your hand
If you think that you’re alone
No, no, no, you are not alone

(what would they think?)

Well, everybody farts sometimes
Everybody lies
Everybody farts sometimes
And everybody farts sometimes

Don’t hold on, hold on
Don’t hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody farts

 

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Photo credit: flickr.com/photos/zoliblog/3277272645

Traffic

I’m not stuck in traffic
I’m in the middle of a convoy
Of people throwing me a party
It’ll all be hale and hearty
We can’t wait to get it started
Any time

It must be a surprise
That’s why they avoid my eyes
Not to give the game away

I’m not stuck in traffic
It’s just a celebration
We’re causing consternation
All across the nation
At this time

We’ll celebrate our cars
The queue goes back to Mars
Everyone just wants to be involved

No, I’m not stuck in traffic
It’s a crazy conga line
Everybody’s feeling fine
Dance-driving on their mind
For today

The beeping sets the beat
For the tapping of our feet
Upon the brakes

I may be stuck in traffic

I may be stuck in traffic,
for a while

 

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Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/martynasm/3947364324

Band of One

Been playing songs for so long
Got music in my soul
A new song every night I sing
But still I don’t feel whole

Been touring round these parts so long
And yeah I’ve had some fun
But I’m not all I could be
Cuz I’m a band of one

It looks like fun from the outside, but
This living ain’t a life
Never knowing where I’m going to,
The road my only wife

And so I take the stage each night
And whisper love’s soft words
Feeling such a fraud each time
Cuz they’re nothing like I’ve heard

If I could ever find someone
To sit with in the sun
Then maybe I could break up
This lonely band of one

And all I really need is someone
To sit with in the sun
And on that day I’ll break up
This lonely band of one

 

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Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/frascelly/201456282

S is for…

A change of pace for today, with appropriate apologies to David Bowie…

Her flesh was a horror She was gone You can’t hide dead
When I looked in her eyes they were blue and green, but nobody home

She was a stone-cold killer Who feeds the way that she do
And she do
She’d been through a door That we’d never close again

She began to wail
Flesh-lust scream
Pounding at my gate
Know what I mean

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared

She summoned me out
And she called my tune
She died for my love
Now she’s hunting for lust she can find

Now she’s groaning in the street
But she can’t socialise
Well I love the little zombie
And I’ll love her till the day she dies… Again

She wails
An underground sound
Flesh-lust scream
Pounding at my gate
Know what I mean

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
I should be running, running scared

Oh oh woh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh woh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, arrr…

S

 

Untitled Love Song #17

Well, we’ve been this way before
We’ve all been down this road
Spraying out the love;
Collecting debts we owe

Wandering around
The blind beget the blind
Stewing on the past
And the small things on our mind

We cling onto I Love Yous
As if they’re the only words
As if everything is easy
And there isn’t any hurt

I don’t have the answers
I don’t even have the time
To process how we got here
Or what’s waiting down the line

People just need people
That’s the only truth
Don’t go looking now for answers
Life won’t give you the proof

People just need people
And that’s the only truth

 

nostalgia

The Jobs Fair

Another set of lyrics for what could be an autobiographical C&W song… Hope you enjoy!

Went down to the jobs fair
To find myself a job
Went down to the jobs fair
’cause I’m no lazy slob

The lady at the jobs fair
Asked me about my skills
That lady at the job fair
Asked what gives me thrills

I said to the job fair lady
“Well, I like writing rhymes
It may not seem like much to you
But it passes all my time”

Well, the lady at the job fair
She pushed a little more
“I know you’re outta work now,
But what’d you do before?”

And I stood there at the job fair
And I described it thus:
“Every day I stood up
To get knocked down by a bus

And as I lay there bleeding
The crows would peck my eyes
And the foxes there would feast on
A tender soul surprise”

Now maybe that’s a stretch,
But that’s just the way I felt
Working for the big man
Play-ing the hand I’m dealt

There’s gotta be a better way
To live an honest life
I just wanna feed my family
My two boys and my wife

So I said to the job fair lady,
“Can’t I write for cash?
My family’s needs are simple.
Nothing all that flash.”

Well, the lady at the job fair,
She laughed right in my face.
“Poems sell for pennies!
You gotta get back in the race”

Well, if poems sell for pennies,
Then I’ll just write some more
Yes, if my poems sell for pennies
I’ll write a whole bunch more

 

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Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/51550312

The Best Song Ever

This is the first full “song” I have ever written. When my ukelele skills are up to muster, I’ll post a video of me playing this… maybe 🙂

 

Don’t stop me if you’ve heard this one,
It really is the best!
It’s better than the previous one,
It’s better than the rest!

I’ve sung it once or twice before,
So please now sing along.
It really is a cracking tune,
Just such a lovely song.

It follows a familiar path,
The words go up and down.
It’s guaranteed to bring a smile,
Impossible to frown.

And now it’s time to   slow   it   down,
To   draw   out   every   word…
Beforewespeeditupagain
Sounding quite absurd!

So…

Don’t stop me if you’ve heard this one,
It clearly is the best,
Much better than the other ones
The bestest best best best!

 

 

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Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/dlytle/8439621055

OctPoWriMo #21 – The End of the World and Everything In It

June Carter sang me a song today…

Some day the flood is coming
To wipe us from this land
Things have gone downhill
It’s all got out of hand

No power on earth can stop it
It’s all too late for that
No point tryin’ to fight it
So go and hug your cat

And when those raindrops start to fall
Greet them with a smile
Go and hug your cat goodbye and
Greet. Them. With. A. Smile.

As the water starts to rise
And wash away your stuff
Don’t waste time in doubting,
Have I done enough?

There’s time for one last email
And maybe then a tweet
To say goodbye to this old world
This time you got me beat

So when those raindrops start to fall
Greet them with a smile
Go and hug your cat goodbye and
Greet. Them. With. A. Smile.

Well that water’s rising really fast
Your defences overwhelmed
No point looking round for help
It’s the same across the realm

As the water pulls you under
There’s no time for regrets
Just hope that you go quickly,
Cuz that’s as good as it gets

So when those raindrops start to fall
Greet them with a smile
Go and hug your cat goodbye and
Greet. Them. With. A.
Smile.

octpowrimo

OctPoWriMo #14: Edge of Tomorrow

Standing on the edge of tomorrow,
The future not yet set.
Closing my eyes and edging forward,
The best it’s gonna get

The whole world’s just a change away
From being something else
You’ve gotta let go of everything
But hang on to yourself

 

 

This is today’s contribution to OctPoWriMo – a challenge to write a poem a day during October. Today’s prompt was a bridge between today and tomorrow. I have to admit – these are more lyrics than a poem, in my head.

You can sign up here, at any time during the month, or just check out the prompts and tips if you prefer – http://www.octpowrimo.com/

octpowrimo

Image by Morgan Dragonwillow