Halloween HORROR!

Happy Halloween everyone! The poem below carries a huge health warning…once read, it cannot be unread. The images it will leave you with cannot be wiped (a score of witnesses will testify to this)… If you are easily offended, or have any ounce of self-respect, taste or decency, DO NOT READ ON! You have been warned!

It started as a joke
Then grew into a dare
It *may* have been the alcohol
When I agreed to wear
the mankini

Now, for those who do not know,
A mankini’s quite the thing
(Picture me in a posing pouch
Pulled up tight with bright green string)

My abs are long since absent
The six pack’s more a barrel
And without getting into fat shaming
There’s too much padding in this saddle

the mankini
…It barely hides my wedding tackle
But bares the rest for all
All this hairy flesh, all this…
And an unmanly spread of balls

You see, I’ll never be a swordsman
No Don Juan legendary lover.
If your body’s a lethal weapon,
I’m more like Danny Glover.

But a dare’s a dare and that’s that
You’ve got to live by a code.
Well, you’ve got to tell yourself something
When your ass cheeks are on show…

So, a distinctive Halloween outfit…
But it’s not easy trick or treating
On a cold, dark night in autumn
With cock and balls retreating!

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Limerick – the Wiccan from Wigan

Haven’t done a daft poem or limerick for a while… “inspired” by Lily’s use of the word “Wiccan” in a comment yesterday, this is what my brain does with a word like that. Apologies… 🙂

A worrisome Wiccan from Wigan
Got anxious when he got his jig on
Till one glorious day
And a roll in the hay
Led Mary to exclaim “What a biggun!”

 

 

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Grinch limerick

To continue my Christmas countdown…

 

Our good friend the gruesome Grinch
Got caught in a Christmas clinch
With Mrs Santa, no less,
(We know her as Bess)
And now has a festive flinch!

 

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