It’s the perfect Halloween gift…to make ME smile, anyway!
My box-fresh e-book, Haiku of the Dead has landed… containing pithy advice on surviving the rise of the zombies… and top tips like this!
Coming on Amazon TOMORROW …A Halloween treat… It’s my new book, HAIKU OF THE DEAD!
Further details to follow… very exciting!
Yes, that’s right, Halloween’s coming, so it’s time to talk zombies… And the value for money in this post is incredible. Not one, but two, yes a whole two!, zombie items to share!
First up is a plug… long time readers may remember an A to Z challenge I completed some time ago, on the theme of surviving the zombie holocaust…in haiku form… Well, I’ve written a bunch of new ones and collected them all together, and will be publishing these on Amazon IMMINENTLY (ie when I get a spare few hours in the next week) as … THE HAIKU OF THE DEAD….
Here’s the cover reveal, for those who like that sort of thing…
And to whet your appetite for all things zombie, here is a NEW zombie poem. Over a few drinks in a bar, I joked to some fellow poets that most of my stuff in my first collection was either about cats or zombies… so they challenged me to write about zombie cats… This was the result. I hope you like it. 🙂
Zombie Pet Store
Went down to the zombie pet store
To pick myself a pet
(There’s not the widest choice of these,
So you take what you can get)
A zombie goldfish seemed too lame:
I wanted something cooler!
Some creature that could scare my sis,
Lure her in and fool her…
A zombie guinea pig could be fun
With their amped-up feral nature.
As long as it’s fed some daily flesh,
It’s never gonna hate ya…
Or a zombie hamster spinning ‘round
Within its blood-stained wheel?
Perhaps a zombie bunny
Trying to make you its next meal?
Zombie dogs are a big no-go:
Too strong to be man’s best friend.
Even with a muzzle on,
Spot will eat you, in the end.
But zombie cats? That’s where it’s at,
On this, can we agree?
They’ve the same sense of superiority
And indifference to humanity
Although the purring and the miaowing
Is now more like …growling
After brutal night-time killing sprees,
There’s the same old midnight howling!
So, it’s time to make your choice:
Buying a zom-pet is no game.
But whether a cat’s alive or undead,
Its behaviour’s just the same!
I was born a bonny zombie baby
It’s the only life I’ve known
But years and moons have passed since then
How I’ve zombie-grown!
Growing up sure ain’t easy
Juicy brains don’t come for free
And there’s no chance those screaming humans
Will ever let me be!
See, I’ve never craved attention
I just want an axe-free life
Somewhere peaceful in the country
Where I can find a loving, kind, decaying wife
I never knew my zombie father
Spent no childhood catching ball
No mother there to catch me
When rotting limbs would fall
And I don’t know if you’ve noticed
But zombie role models are lacking
We’re just used in films to show off
The hero’s muscles as they’re hacking
And don’t you see the irony
In claiming we love brains
Then trying to bash our heads in.
It’s prejudice ingrained!
I don’t wanna fight you.
Set aside your sword.
Quit swinging that bloody baseball bat.
Let’s sit, and have a word.
I know my tongue’s necrotic
But there’s a message ‘neath my growling
If only you would listen, really listen,
We could end this midnight prowling
Our demands are very few:
Just leave us all alone,
In basements, malls or graveyards,
Where we can rot and roam.
We’re the next step in evolution:
These are Darwinian growing pains.
We don’t want to harm you…
We just want to eat your brains!
Trying to write a scary poem
To get things off my chest.
So many ways to start,
I wonder which is best.
Do I go for ghoulish,
Or something more refined?
Do I make the horror clear,
Or leave it to the mind?
Then there comes the rhyming
Of all those scary creatures.
Zombie? Vampire? No rhymes.
Do I focus on their features?
And how to make things scary,
In the structure of the rhyme?
It’s hard to make the reader jump
When they can guess ahead in time.
Maybe I should back off.
Leave this one to the writers.
Poets are tender lovers
But terrible monster fighters!
Rick fired his final bullets into the horde, but slipped awkwardly on a pool of guts, warm in the midday sun. No escape this time. The zombies overpowered him, tearing flesh from his bones, utterly devouring him.
Two zombies grabbed at his still-twitching arm from opposite sides, driven by The Hunger. In the moment before they sank their yellow, flesh-stained teeth into a succulent human meal, their aqueous eyes met, sparked. All of the thrashing and wailing disappeared in that moment. This crazy world stood still. Inside, two necrotic hearts remembered a beat.
It was love at first bite.
Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/mrseb/6320652409
Luke flailed wildly against the fresh zombie. Weakened by hunger, he didn’t even have a weapon this time. Heart thumping, he backed up, heading for the kitchen – searching for a knife, anything… nothing. No knife block. Cutlery drawer?
He grabbed the first metallic item and swung, eyes closed, at the zombie’s head. It speared in through its ear. The zombie dropped to the floor, inanimate again.
Steve burst into the room with his club. “You ok?” He took one look at the scene and burst out laughing. “Use the forks, Luke!”
Luke dropped to his knees, sobbing, utterly drained.
This is the second one today from my friend Sandra’s “zombie – fork” prompt 🙂 Apologies to all the nice Steves out there. A couple of them have done you a real disservice!
Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/albercik/3066168639