Z is for…

Drum roll please… It’s Day 26 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… Now let’s blow this thing and go home…

I will be collating the best of these guides, plus a bunch of new material, into my first self-published book… just as soon as I (a) get some sleep; (b) figure out how to do that in a way that I’m proud of…!

For now, a huge thank you to everyone for following, commenting and liking these bizarre outpourings of my brain over this past month. I hope you stay with me for whatever comes next on here. If you have any suggestions for what you want to see next (themes for mini-challenges, perhaps? random prompts? a challenge to use your favourite word in a haiku?), let me know in the comments!

It’s … Haiku of the Dead!

(Here’s an irony for you – one of the reasons I chose to write about zombies for a whole month, other than being (a) obsessed with them, and (b) the sort of person to prepare others for the horrors of what’s coming – a leader, if you will – was to make the notoriously tricky “z” post easy… and yet now I’m here, I’m running on fumes and it seems anything but easy!)

Zombie, Zack, or Zed,
Undead, Flesh Eaters, Biters…
It’s all the same thing

Post-Zed baby boom.
Zombie aphrodisiac,
Or something deeper?

(Sexy zombie girl
Unblinking eyes a-popping
Groaning just for me)

Change your perspective:
Laugh at their slapstick lumb’ring,
And their zany ways!

I have some questions:
Do teen zombies‘ voices drop,
Sprout hair, and get zits?

In 2050,
Will the survivors queue up
At the zombie zoo?

 

Z

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I have been taking part in the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

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Y is for … (2 of 2)

Yesterday, the world was young,
Then everything got turned
Mother Nature got her payback
On lessons never learned

Last week, the world was young
I’ve been running ever since
All those friends lost that way
Memories make me wince

Last month, the world was young
It seems so far away
Foraging for lifelines
Surviving day by day

Last year, the world was young
And I have grown so old
The horrors of the world reborn
Innocence bought and sold

I remember when the world was young,
Full of hope and love, and free
One day it may be young again
Our humanity holds the key

 

65161198_301c2eed5a_z

Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/michaeldavid/65161198

Y is for… (1 of 2)

Day 25 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… The fat lady’s gargling whisky, warming up her vocal chords…

I will be collating the best of these guides, plus a bunch of new material, into my first self-published book… just as soon as I (a) get to the end of this month; (b) sleep; (c) figure out how to do that in a way that I’m proud of…!

It’s … Haiku of the Dead!

It’s all about you.
Unite, survive and rebuild.
You carry the flame

Technically, you could
Use a yo-yo to fight Zed…
Not recommended!

Yin-yang:
Humans kill zombies,
Die, and are reborn, undead,
To feed on living

One cannot exist
Without the other, balanced,
Complementary

How will folks waste time
Watching hours of daft cats
Without youtube vids?

 

Y

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

X is for…

Day 24 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… The end’s in sight…

You will no doubt be absolutely thrilled that I plan on collating these guides, along with some extras, into my first self-published book! Watch this space. Well, not literally this one as I’m unlikely to come back and add comments specifically here, but, you know, here. 🙂 

Without further ado, it’s … Haiku of the Dead!

Xenophobia
Persists – it’s in our nature –
But borders have shrunk

To survive, you need:
The brains of Professor X
And the X Factor

(Being candid here,
I welcome these zombie days
If it means an end

To bland TV shows
Full of so-samey singers
Each on a “journey”)

Have you ever tried
Thwacking Zed with xylophone?
Not recommended!

 

X

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

W is for…

Day 23 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… The end’s in sight…

You will no doubt be absolutely thrilled that I plan on collating these guides, along with some extras, into my first self-published book! Watch this space. Well, not literally this one as I’m unlikely to come back and add comments specifically here, but, you know, here. 🙂 

Without further ado, it’s … Haiku of the Dead!

Water wells
Far more valuable
Than diamonds

Hide behind tall walls
Barricade the walkers out…
Beware foes within

The whole world is lost
Virus spread to all corners
No island is safe

The weather’s crucial.
Crops and fruit will need water,
Warmth, and some sunshine

Too much rain will flood.
Too much sun will cause a drought.
Too cold and crops die.

If it’s really cold
The zombie threat disappears:
They will simply freeze

Waste isn’t sexy
But you need to consider
Proper disposal

Written word dying
Spoken word storytellers
A fireside hit!

There’s no use waiting,
Wishing and wanting “better”.
The power’s in you.

 

W

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

V is for…

Day 22 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… We’re on the home stretch now. The weird thing is, as I wrote these haiku this is the first time I’ve thought to myself – “these aren’t bad“… shame there are so few days left for me to feel comfortable about doing this!

It will come as a surprise to few that I plan on collating these guides, along with some extras (can you believe I forgot to do a post about “toilets”, under “T”???), into my first self-published book! So, if you think I made a grievous error in not including something earlier in the guide, or have any wisdom about self-publishing to pass on, please let me know in the comments. I’ll share any further news on this as it develops. Am on a bit of a learning curve, as ever… 🙂

Without further ado, it’s … Haiku of the Dead!

A place with a view
Helps make it defensible
And a scenic choice

Make-up will run out;
Hairdryers have no power.
Forget vanity.

All technology
Gone the way of video.
A Betamax death.

Above all, one group
Will be sought after: Doctors.
If none around, vets.

Victory is not
Measured by the body count,
But by loving life

There will be violence,
Battles, bloodshed and heartache…
Keep a peaceful soul

A tip on vampires?
They’re a fictional creature.
The zombies are real!

Vacant expression.
Monosyllabic grunting.
Zombie, or teenage?

 

 

V

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

U is for…

Welcome to Day 21 of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… We’re on the home stretch now. Final week. Finish line in sight. If you think this has been a long month as a reader, you should try sitting this side of the screen!

It will come as a surprise to few that I plan on collating these guides, along with some extras (can you believe I forgot to do a post about “toilets”, under “T”???), into my first self-published book! So, if you think I made a grievous error in not including something earlier in the guide, or have any wisdom about self-publishing to pass on, please let me know in the comments. I’ll share any further news on this as it develops. Am on a bit of a learning curve, as ever… 🙂

Without further ado, it’s … Haiku of the Dead!

Zombies are ugly
But people’s true ugliness
Is often inside

Observe everything
Anything unusual
Usually bad news

In emergency,
If your home is invaded
By the zombie horde

Have an axe ready,
Head upstairs, and smash the stairs
So they can’t follow

(This only works though
If you’ve planned an escape route
Before they break in!)

Hiding underground
In sewers or tube tunnels
Is best avoided

Would you want to face
Hordes of the groaning undead
With all the lights off??

U

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

T is for…

Welcome to Day Twenty (!) of your Essential Guide to Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse… It’s … Haiku of the Dead!

Today is the day,
Tame your terror and believe
That this is your day

Trust in your new tribe
And remain true to yourself:
These will carry you

Once a friend has turned
(Died and reanimated)
Put aside feelings

Whether it’s your wife,
Best friend or even your mum,
Just kill them quickly

No coursework papers,
Exam qualifications.
Life now is the test

See the twitter fools
Tweeting the apocalypse
Then going offline…

Sorry to be crude,
But some people die naked…
Tits, twinks, and todgers!

 

T

 

“You wrote this as part of a month-long challenge? What?!”

Throughout April, I will be joining the A to Z Challenge, posting six days a week to cover each letter of the alphabet… even that annoying “X”… For my theme, I have gone down the well-trodden, stereotypical, bit-of-a-cliché -really path of zombie survival tips… in haiku.

With tongue firmly in cheek, I hope you will join me for the month, and beyond 🙂

There are hundreds of blogs participating – over 1700. I will be doing my best to check out as many of these as possible. You can too via this link: http://www.a-to-zchallenge.com/p/a-z-challenge-sign-up-list-2016.html

S is for…

A change of pace for today, with appropriate apologies to David Bowie…

Her flesh was a horror She was gone You can’t hide dead
When I looked in her eyes they were blue and green, but nobody home

She was a stone-cold killer Who feeds the way that she do
And she do
She’d been through a door That we’d never close again

She began to wail
Flesh-lust scream
Pounding at my gate
Know what I mean

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared

She summoned me out
And she called my tune
She died for my love
Now she’s hunting for lust she can find

Now she’s groaning in the street
But she can’t socialise
Well I love the little zombie
And I’ll love her till the day she dies… Again

She wails
An underground sound
Flesh-lust scream
Pounding at my gate
Know what I mean

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared

Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
Should be running, running scared
Sexy zombies, freaky creeps
I should be running, running scared

Oh oh woh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh woh-oh
Oh, oh-oh-oh oh
Oh oh oh, oh oh
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, arrr…

S