I was born a bonny zombie baby
It’s the only life I’ve known
But years and moons have passed since then
How I’ve zombie-grown!
Growing up sure ain’t easy
Juicy brains don’t come for free
And there’s no chance those screaming humans
Will ever let me be!
See, I’ve never craved attention
I just want an axe-free life
Somewhere peaceful in the country
Where I can find a loving, kind, decaying wife
I never knew my zombie father
Spent no childhood catching ball
No mother there to catch me
When rotting limbs would fall
And I don’t know if you’ve noticed
But zombie role models are lacking
We’re just used in films to show off
The hero’s muscles as they’re hacking
And don’t you see the irony
In claiming we love brains
Then trying to bash our heads in.
It’s prejudice ingrained!
I don’t wanna fight you.
Set aside your sword.
Quit swinging that bloody baseball bat.
Let’s sit, and have a word.
I know my tongue’s necrotic
But there’s a message ‘neath my growling
If only you would listen, really listen,
We could end this midnight prowling
Our demands are very few:
Just leave us all alone,
In basements, malls or graveyards,
Where we can rot and roam.
We’re the next step in evolution:
These are Darwinian growing pains.
We don’t want to harm you…
We just want to eat your brains!
Beware! Beware! Beware!
The haunting time of year!
When chocolate spiders hatch,
Spreading candy fear!
You may think that’s just a costume,
A Halloween disguise
But take a second look:
Count that creature’s eyes!
Don’t think of trick OR treat:
To them it’s all the same!
Weaving caramel webs
Around your window frame…
Lurking in the darkness…
Hiding out of sight…
Then dropping down in front of you
Giving you a FRIGHT!
You yelp and drop your candy;
Sprint off down the street
Those spiders give a cackle
And eat up every treat!
Beware! Beware! Beware!
The chocolate spider scare!
Happy Labor Day to all my American friends! 🙂 Here’s something to start your day with a smile…
Making my way through the vale,
I chanced on a talking snail
Who sang to me of dragons,
Ice princesses in wagons…
I said, “hang on, is this a fairytale?”
Written for: https://mindandlifemattersblog.com/2016/09/03/limerick-challenge-week-36-fairytale/
This is an older piece that I started but never finished at the time. I don’t often come back to poems once they’ve been lit and fizzled out… but thought I’d try with this one. Hopefully this will raise some smiles 🙂
Mixed-up Matt is all over the place :
the confusion’s as plain as the nose on his face.
Pity that nose isn’t in the usual space…
He has an ear for a nose, and a nose for an ear,
where you might smell, he would hear.
It’s all such a muddle, so very queer!
His fingers and toes are swapped around,
which comes in handy in the playground,
giving him chance to act the clown!
His nipples and knees, would you believe
(unless my eyes do greatly deceive)…
Such a world of wonder, tucked up his sleeve!
Finally now, it has to be shared,
his ass and his elbow are awkwardly paired…
But mixed-up Matt – he couldn’t have cared
For, with a song in his heart, the words all a jumble,
Matt wasn’t one to give in and grumble
And though his smile be upside down
His way to happiness may yet be found 🙂
I’m not stuck in traffic
I’m in the middle of a convoy
Of people throwing me a party
It’ll all be hale and hearty
We can’t wait to get it started
It must be a surprise
That’s why they avoid my eyes
Not to give the game away
I’m not stuck in traffic
It’s just a celebration
We’re causing consternation
All across the nation
At this time
We’ll celebrate our cars
The queue goes back to Mars
Everyone just wants to be involved
No, I’m not stuck in traffic
It’s a crazy conga line
Everybody’s feeling fine
Dance-driving on their mind
The beeping sets the beat
For the tapping of our feet
Upon the brakes
I may be stuck in traffic
I may be stuck in traffic,
for a while
Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/martynasm/3947364324
I’ve gone crazy for a lady
I’m loved up and I’m shady
I’m absolutely gaga for this girl
I’ve gone loopy for a lass
My mind’s in a morass
I’m absolutely wappy for this woman
I don’t know what to do
I think she feels it too
I’m absolutely potty for this peach
I’m a palpitating mess
Because this one is the best
I’m totally bananas about this belle
She’s always on my mind
But I’m feeling in a bind
Because I’m absolutely nutty… about you
Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/withassociates/4505385560
Written for my week of Summer Lovin’🙂
For those who may have missed it, over the past week I’ve been supporting Comedy Book Week, interviewing a bunch of talented authors in my own inimitable style…
I’ll introduce them by their superhero handles. Comedy Avengers, Assemble!
There was: The Geoffle (power – to turn off all mobile devices, especially on public transport )
20/20, power – the superpower of going back in time to fix things with the benefit of perfect hindsight
Carb-O, the world’s greatest gobbler of snacky treats.
The Transliterator – to hear people’s words without getting lost behind our own filters and perspectives
Captain Nothing, “the dude who made The Batman pee in his bat jockies.”
Some great entertainment, and links to FREE books here! 🙂
Welcome to the final interview in this week’s blog-straganza of Dirty Dozen interviews for #ComedyBookWeek!
On the principle of saving the best (purple beard) till last, today is the turn of Geoff Le Pard!
You can check out the interview in full HERE !
As part of #ComedyBookWeek, I’ve lined up some of the freshest, funniest writers around, and subjected them each to the Dirty Dozen treatment.
Today, it’s the turn of Jenny Green to take the Dirty Dozen hotseat!
You can check out the interview in full HERE ! 🙂