The Two-Minute Manager – 4

Another dose of management and leadership advice from the somewhat cynical mind of guest blogger, See Yi-Oh… You only have yourselves to blame if you follow this advice!

Attending Operational Meetings

Show your importance
To the lessers in the room:
Head down and email

Gift them your presence
But deny them eye contact.
Who knows where that leads?

Strategy

Are you strategic?
There’s always scope to up-think.
Be more strategic.

Any report that’s
Longer than a page in length,
Isn’t for your eyes.

The true strategic
Does not think in words, numbers:
Start to think in shapes.

 

The Two-Minute Manager – 3

Another dose of management and leadership advice from the somewhat cynical mind of guest blogger, See Yi-Oh… Am starting to see where I’m going wrong…

Meeting etiquette

Never take minutes,
Except for the Chief Exec.
For them, anything.

Sit at table’s head
Dominate the meeting room
Keep all eyes on you.

Words can be weapons
But make your body language
First line of attack:

Fold your arms and scowl.
Whatever’s been reported
Extend the silence,

Draw out that silence.
Lessers will panic, back down,
Offer more for less.

 

The Two-Minute Manager – 2 – LOVE

Here’s the second update from guest blogger, See Ye-Oh, with her unique take on all things romantic…

“With Valentine’s Day mercifully receding into the distance behind us, some thoughts for you on mixing love and work:

A leadership tip:
Beware of Valentine’s Day
Lessers WILL love you

Love is a weakness
Bond only with the useful
To drive you forward

Change your perspective
See compromise as failure
Assert your vision

Hearts break
Flowers die
Clear your vision
Touch the sky”

 

Writing 201: Poetry #6 – Found Poem

Today’s 201 prompts were faces – found poetry – chiasmus. I’ve been itching to do a found poem for a while… I’ve borrowed a health and safety poster from work, and given it an Orwellian twist.

 

All workers controlled,
Stopping you getting through work.
Employer safety

 

5 Reasons I’d Like To Give For NOT Going To Work Tomorrow

Reasons I’d like to give for not going back to work tomorrow, after the summer holidays:

1- I need a few more days growth on my holiday beard before I can be seen in public with it

2- My tan is peeling. That’s a medical thing, right?

3- My body’s still on Venezuelan time (true, we didn’t leave the country, but no one needs to know that)

4- My cat is still angry after spending a week with the in-laws. I need time to re-bond.

5- The laundry mountain toppled over, pinning me to the floor (wearing emergency underwear… My mother will be ashamed)

…

https://www.flickr.com/photos/thecarol/2406514773 /Creative Commons… although I have an identical pair of flip-flops… 🙂

Heading In To Work (poem)

I want to be a slug-a-bed
Sleeping in my nice warm bed
But now I’m on the bus instead
Heading in to work

Thoughts are swimming round my head
About the stupid things I said
But now I’m on the bus instead
Heading in to work

I feel I’m hanging by a thread
Like butter scraped on too much bread
And now I’m on the bus instead
Heading in to work

My mind turns to the day with dread
A thousand messages unread
Because now I’m on the bus instead
Heading in to work

I wish I’d ran, I wish I’d fled
But now I’m on the bus instead
But now I’m on the bus instead
Heading in to work

Creative Commons

Haiku Challenge #53 – “Guide” & “Mad”

This is the latest weekly challenge from Ronovan, with the prompts “guide” and “mad”. I had a lot of fun with these words. Hope you do too!

#1
The madness of crowds
Guides the fool to dusty death,
Forsaking wisdom

#2
Bureaucrat’s madness:
Thousand page guidance info.
Welcome to my work

#3
Set aside youth’s doubt;
The madness of difference.
Let love be your guide

#4
A moment’s stillness:
Guide the soul to harmony.
Set madness aside

#5
Here’s Tour Guide Barbie,
Mad hair, camo gear and gun…
Brother’s makeover

https://ronovanwrites.wordpress.com/2015/07/13/ronovanwrites-weekly-haiku-poetry-prompt-challenge-53-guide-mad/

The Lift (poem)

Hold the lift! Hold the lift! You cry,
Sprinting through reception with a mad glint in your eye.

Wait for me! you plead, squeezing yourself in
As the ketchup from your butty dribbles slowly down your chin

There is squishing and squashing; lots of fuss and fussing
As you reach through the throng to finger your floor’s button

The doors stutter shut, and close eventually
Creaking and groaning to an uncomfortable degree

Up, up we go, then stop at the first floor
More creaking and groaning from the opening of the door

Ketchup Man bounds out, having reached his destination,
Not a glance behind him at the silent consternation

As every single person, still trapped within that box
Forms the same judgement, the same cruel set of thoughts

Everyone is thinking, but I’m the one who says it:
“He could’ve used the stairs, the lazy, idle git!”

That Was The Month That Was… June

June has been another productive month. 28 posts published before this one, so these are some of the “highlights”, in the tradition of that filler episode of your favourite TV show when they have enough content for a 22 episode series, but sell 23 episodes to the broadcaster!

Rhyming blog
I completed a short series on what I’ve learned about writing rhyming picture books – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/from-bad-to-verse/ . The last part of this series included a round-up of the key bits of advice, and a host of useful rhyming resources, – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/18/from-bad-to-verse-10-top-rhyming-tips-useful-resources/ – so if you are pushed for time then you could start with this one and dip into the previous posts as and when you have time/ inclination/ need to develop your skills and understanding.

Haiku
There has been some haiku… quite a lot of it actually. I love Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge and have posted several attempts at these. For the prompt words “Bard” and “Water”, I even attempted bending some Shakespearean iambic pentameter into haiku form – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/03/haiku-challenge-water-bard-cntd-poems/

I wrote a short series of “love haiku” – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/15/love-haiku-1/

And for us office drones, in case you missed it last month, consider using one of these “out of office” haiku next time you are away from your desk… https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/out-of-office-autoreply-haikus-poem/

Poetry
My most popular poetry post this month has been “The Lie” – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/the-lie-poem/ – probably because it’s so universal… and short!

My favourite though is this one – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/26/lost-and-found-poem/ .

I have covered a variety of topics again over the month, from zombies – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/05/the-zombie-blues-poem/
– to GHOST slugs – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/02/ghost-slug-poem/
– to a Victorian version of Charlie’s Angels – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/29/the-original-charless-angels-poem/
– to a plea to be noticed (yes, the stereotype of the needy artist, but hopefully it resonates more widely than that) – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/08/i-just-wanna-be-noticed-poem/

Game of Thrones came up in two separate pieces this month. I love that show/ book… https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/16/jon-snow-has-gone-to-sleep-poem/ and https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/22/weekly-haiku-challenge-gain-hound/ . Is this the first time that The Hound has inspired a haiku?

I love testing myself with a variety of challenges, so I’ve also started entering Mara Eastern’s weekly poetry challenge – https://altheauthor.wordpress.com/2015/06/09/away-poem/

Coming Up
In July, look out for more haiku, more random poetry (the zombies and slugs will be back… probably!), and a blog post on rhyme and comedy. Hope you’ll join me.

Thanks again to everyone who has taken the time to stop by and read my stuff, and double thanks to those who have “liked” and commented!

Picture by kind courtesy of NB Photography (you can find them and more amazing photos on Facebook, or at http://www.neilbarr.co.uk). Loch Katrine from Ben Venue.

Love Haiku #1

Since taking part in Ronovan’s weekly haiku challenge, I’ve become a little addicted to writing haiku… So for this week, a batch of haiku every day on the general theme of “love”, in all its many guises. I’ll leave you to guess which ones are autobiographical 🙂

1
Deep breath. Loins girded.
Approach her slowly, and ask.
Flee in haste, denied

2
Moments of wonder
Imprison me in self-doubt.
Cage of my making

3
Office relations.
Colleagues have drinks; flirty fun,
Best to stop it there

4
Apocalypse love:
Last man on earth gets a shot
With homecoming queen

5
The dance was sublime,
Partners completely attuned
I began my pitch

Picture by kind courtesy of NB Photography (you can find them and more amazing photos on Facebook, or at http://www.neilbarr.co.uk). “All quiet in the Glen – looking towards Rannoch Moor on a moonlit dawn, from up on Beinn a’Chrulaiste.”

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