This was inspired by a comment from my new friend Stella… This feels like a first draft more than a finished piece, but hope you like it 🙂
The ergonomic limousine
Pulls up at my door
Past the half-graffiti
And blood stains on the floor
I sprint out of the house,
And rush out to the street
All my problems melt away
Once I settle in the seat
The limousine purrs along
No destination set
We don’t know where we’re going
Because we haven’t thought it yet
Daydreams drift and dare us
Taking on life of their own
A hundred places rumble by
As casually we roam
From beach up to the bedroom
And later back again
Cruising down canals
Rough-riding on the train
Swooping ‘cross the sky
Climbing mountains on the moon
Exploring distant galaxies
And back for tea at noon
The ergonomic limousine
Swallows me up whole
Together we go everywhere
As it feeds upon my soul
Picture credit: flickr.com/photos/pixonomy/5396831353
A Certain Point of View 
A great piece – feels pretty finished to me!
And I’ve just realised that there is a character that owns an ergonomic limousine, it’s just that it doesn’t look very car-like, having no wheels and the words ‘Police Box’ written on the top…
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Ah! You went right where I was going! Allons y! 😀
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Again, I really hadn’t thought of that one! 🙂
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Is this like Cash Cab? When I get in, will I be able to answer trivia questions and potentially win a boat load of cash? Let me give you my address, then… woot woot
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Hadn’t intended it to be that sort of limo… more a metaphorical one, but still leading to riches (hopefully)!
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Love it! And what Babbitman said!
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Well of course you’d go with the Dr Who interpretation! 🙂
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Most excellent
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Any relation to Christine?
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She’s a distant American cousin
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What’s an ergonomic limousine? I want one!
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I can almost guarantee you’ve got one… I was using it as a metaphor for writing at a keyboard!
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What a disappointment- I was picturing something with drinks and seats that give you a massage…and music, of course
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It’s your imagination vehicle… it could have all those if that’s what you want, and much more!
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Good!
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I’d like a trip in your ergonomic limo Al, sounds wonderful! 🙂
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“Al’s Ergonomic Limo Rides” – coming soon!
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They will be a surefire hit! 🙂
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I’ll get a Canva poster made ready 😉
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HaHA! 🙂
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I have a not-very-ergonomic recliner. A limousine sounds wonderful. 😀
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It’s more a mental limousine. I’m not sure my writing chair counts as ergonomic either!
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I also agree it sounds pretty finished! So many of your longer poems sound like they should be made into songs. 🙂
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Hadn’t thought of this one as a song, maybe because I haven’t really decided on the tone of it yet. It’s a bit of a smorgasbord at the moment!
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I can hear kind of haunting, mysterious music with a good beat to go with it. 😉
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Me too now! 🙂
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Great poetry Al. You must have fascinating dreams!!
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I don’t tend to remember them, to be honest… most of my dreaming is done while I’m awake!
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And you say it’s a draft? What makes you feel it needs anything more? I mean, it took me there, the rhythm is lovely, the rhyming… well, as usual with you, it’s there and you don’t even notice it, it’s that good. This just flows.
A great piece Al, yet again! 🙂
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Thanks Dawn… it flows, but to me it feels that the focus is all over the place, and then there’s a change of tone in the final line. It may work, but it doesn’t necessarily work in the way that I wanted it to… maybe I’ll just end up doing a companion piece at some point instead!
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🙂
Yes, the artist always knows best!
XO
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I like the idea of visiting the Moon and distant galaxies and back in time for tea, but I’m slightly worried about those blood stains on your floor. 🙂
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The blood of agents who said “no”… 🙂
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It’s probably good idea to keep them there as a gentle reminder to say yes. 🙂
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I used to keep their heads on spikes, but the neighbours complained, so we’ve ended up here. The reminder is probably a little more gentle these days, although I do advise visitors to wear their wellies
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I guess heads on spikes can affect property values. Keeping the stains seems like a fair compromise.
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I agree… so why does this compromise feel like a defeat?
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Hmm… Not sure about that. I guess compromises do have a little bit of defeat mixed in them. 🙂
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